


Wrong but Right

by ausfil



Category: Westlife
Genre: Adultery, Affairs, Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Anal Sex, Angst, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Break Up, Cheating, Crying, Developing Relationship, Early Work, Extramarital Affairs, Falling In Love, Family, Family Feels, Fast Build, Fatherhood, Feels, First Meetings, Flirting, Forbidden Love, Gay Sex, Guilt, Guilty Pleasures, Heartbreak, Heartbreaking, Hurt/Comfort, Lots of Crying, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Making Love, Making Out, Nicky loves Shane, Post-Break Up, Prostitution, Reminiscing, Romance, Sacrifice, Sad, Secret Relationship, Sexual Content, Sexuality, Shane Loves Nicky, Shnicky - Freeform, Smut, Suspicions, True Love, Wall Sex, lying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-14
Updated: 2016-03-14
Packaged: 2018-05-26 15:48:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6246025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ausfil/pseuds/ausfil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This was wrong. Shane knew that he shouldn’t be doing this. He was married to a beautiful wife. They had a child together for crying out loud. But he felt like he was going to explode if he didn’t do this. He had to do it for the sake of himself. He has buried these secret desires for too long. It was bound to emerge again sometime.</p><p> </p><p>Basically, a married man and a prostitute fall deeply in love and have an affair.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

Nicky lay down on his couch with a pack of frozen peas on his burning arse. He just spent the last half an hour with an old married guy spanking the crap out of him. He didn’t even want a fuck or a blowie. It did make Nicky’s job easier though.

He jumped when his phone rang. An unknown number.

“Hello?” He picked up.

“Hello. Hi uh…” A timid voice spoke. “I heard you do… your job is uh…”

Nicky smirked and decided to help the lad out. “Yeah, I think you have the right number. Send me an address and I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

“Oh… alright. Okay.”

“What are you looking for? A fuck? Blow job?”

“Oh just… a fuck. Yeah.” Then he called out an address. “Oh and um… can you do me a favour and like, not put any cologne on or something like that? I’m sorry.”

“No problem. I understand. I’ll be there soon. Wait for me.” Nicky hung up and smirked again. At this time of broad daylight, his customers were always nervous married guys on their free days, hiding from their wives. Nicky honestly thought that they were pathetic and cowardice but well, if those people didn’t exist, a lot of his income would disappear.

***

Shane nervously paced around his living room and waited for the escort. This was wrong. He knew it. He knew that he shouldn’t be doing this. He was married to a beautiful wife. They had a child together for crying out loud. But he felt like he was going to explode if he didn’t do this. He has buried these secret desires for too long. It was bound to emerge again sometime.

When the doorbell rang, he quickly jogged towards it and opened the door. There stood a fucking gorgeous blondie. Shane’s heart palpitated.

“Hi, are you the uh…” He anxiously spoke.

“Yeah, I am the uh.” Nicky mocked. Not in a rude way but in a cute, sunny way, just to break the ice a bit. Shane bashfully smiled at that so seems to have worked. “You don’t have a lot of people like me come, do you?”

Shane shook his head and stepped aside to welcome the escort. “Come in. I’m Shane.”

“Nicky.” The blonde paced inside and was welcomed with a homey environment. The house was filled with pictures of Shane, his wife and a young girl. Nicky picked one of them up. “Your daughter?”

Shane nodded. “Nicole.”

“She’s cute.” Nicky put the picture down and walked up to Shane, getting straight into business. “Bed?”

Shane averted his eyes at this unexpected suggestion. “Oh uh, I would prefer somewhere that… that wouldn’t catch your smell or something.” He was so embarrassed to do this.

Nicky nodded in understanding and started to peel his clothes off. Shane widened his eyes at this sudden leap and Nicky noticed this. He gently smiled and pulled Shane’s shirt off. “Don’t be nervous. You’ll be alright. Just follow my lead.” He whispered before trailing kisses along Shane’s jawline and reaching for his pants.

_Fuck, this guy’s good at his job,_ Shane thought as he stayed still while Nicky started to pull down his jeans. Soon, the both of them were fully stripped and Nicky leaned forward, violently invading the brunette’s mouth. Shane instinctively reached for Nicky’s cock and started massaging it as he flicked his tongue out to meet the escort’s. He has been shutting out these instincts for so long but they all came rushing back. He forgot how much he missed touching another guy’s cock, feeling it harden under his firm grip.

“Top or bottom?” Nicky panted as he broke off the hot kiss for a second.

“Bottom.” Shane desperately said and looked around for a condom.

“I got it.” Nicky pulled out a packet from his jean pocket and rolled it on his erection. “Hands on the wall.” He ordered.

Shane smiled in excitement and did as he was told with his arms slightly bend. Nicky gently caressed Shane’s ass and slapped it a couple of times until it glowed in a faint pinkish colour, listening to Shane moan in a low voice. He then covered his fingers with lube and pushed his middle finger inside the tight hole. Shane gasped loudly and tilted his head back. His ass has been empty for so long… _too_ long. Shane’s heart was beating hysterically when Nicky slipped two more fingers in, stretching out the hole even more. It felt wrong but right at the same time.

Nicky pulled his fingers out and proceeded to push his cock inside the entrance in a slow but steady motion. Shane tightly shut his eyes and embraced this moment; this incredible feeling. This time, it definitely felt right.

“Ohhhh fuck…” He moaned as he clawed at the wall in weakening strength.

When Nicky felt the ring of Shane’s muscles surrounding him loosen, he thrust his hips in and out, gradually speeding up. He felt Shane buck his hips and soon, heard a desperate voice pleading.

“Ah shit.” Shane huffed out. “God, faster. Harder!”

Nicky obliged, pounding in a quick, rough motion as his hand reached to stroke Shane’s throbbing hardness until it was bouncing and pleading for release.

“I… I’m gonna come.” Shane whispered. Then Nicky hit Shane’s prostate with such force, making Shane shoot his seed into Nicky’s hands following a loud whimper. Some of it splattered onto the white wall and soon, Nicky came too. The sudden and wet spread of heat inside Shane’s full ass made him shiver and let out another cry. The two huffed out short breaths after Nicky pulled out and tied a knot in the condom for disposal.

“Here, I’ll take care of that.” Shane took the condom into his hands and wrapped it around with tissue. Then he held it up and looked at it. “You can’t tell, right?”

“Your wife isn’t going to dig through the rubbish bin. Don’t worry.” Nicky consoled and saw Shane press it down into the bin and cover it up with more tissue. He walked up to him and gently squeezed Shane’s ass, making him jump. Nicky smiled at that and even more after seeing Shane smile back.

“Listen, just… thanks for that. I think I really needed it.” Shane timidly averted his eyes and murmured.

“No problem. It’s my job.” Nicky pressed his lips up against Shane’s, gently dampening it.

Then the sound of car engines pierced Shane’s ears, stealing his attention.

“Shit.” He exhaled. “Oh my god, that’s my wife.” He hurriedly tossed Nicky his clothes and put his own on. Nicky did the same. Shane breathed heavily and started panicking. “Fuck, what am I going to do…”

Nicky looked at the man sympathetically and held onto his hands tightly. “Okay, look. First of all, breathe. You need to stay calm for this. Take a deep breath.” Shane did, looking far into Nicky’s stable, blue eyes. “I deal with these types of situations a lot, doing what I do. Just follow my lead, alright? Where do you work?”

“I uh, I just work in an office. Marketing.”

“Okay. I’m the new guy in your company and I just came here to look at a new project on your computer. Is that good enough?” Nicky speedily thought of a scenario and Shane nodded.

“Thank you.” He whispered.

The door opened and the two immediately let go of each other’s hands. Shane took another deep breath and walked towards the door.

“Daddy!” Nicole called and ran towards her father. Shane lifted her up and took the child in his arms, kissing her forehead.

“Hey, did you have a good day at day care?” Shane tried to remain as normal as he could. Surprisingly, he was doing a good job. After Nicole nodded, he smiled and looked at his wife. “Hey, you.”

“Hey, you.” She leaned forward and gently pecked Shane on the lips, then turned to look at Nicky. “Who’s this, Shane?”

“Oh um.” Shane quickly ran through the scenario that Nicky created for them in his head. “Gill, this is Nicky. He just joined our team recently. Nicky, this is my wife Gillian.”

Nicky casually smiled. “Hi, nice to meet you. Sorry to come without any notice. Shane just needed to show me something on his computer.”

“Oh no, that’s fine. Take as long as you need.” She politely said and picked her handbag up. “Listen, babe, sorry but I need to go out again. Mam wants to meet for lunch. Is that okay?”

“Yeah, of course. Go have fun.” Shane smiled, Nicole still in his arms.

“Alright. Just make sure you feed her,” Gillian pointed at her daughter, “and I’ll be back in the evening. It was nice meeting you, Nicky.” She kissed her husband goodbye before driving off again.

Shane let out a deep sigh of relief and looked at Nicky. “Thanks for that.”

Nicky smiled and shook his head. “No worries. I should get going now.”

“Okay.” Shane nodded. “Um, unless you… you want to stay for lunch? I mean… if it’s not weird for you. Just like, as a thank-you meal or whatever.”

“Oh I don’t know.” Nicky was cautious, especially with the 3 year old staring at him with her big eyes. He was never offered a meal from his clients before. It actually felt nice, being offered. “Are you sure? I don’t have to if…”

“No, it’ll be fine. I think I owe you that much so…” Shane smiled and put Nicole down. “Take a seat. I’ll get it ready quickly. Would you mind just watching Nicole?”

Shane turned around and headed towards the kitchen, leaving Nicky alone with the young child. She looked up at him for a second then ran to her room. Nicky hesitantly followed. He was never good with babies. Honestly, he dreaded this. Nicole lied down on the floor and started drawing on a blank piece of paper, fisting a crayon. Nicky slightly smiled at this and sat down next to her. _It can’t be too difficult right?_ he thought.

“What are you drawing?” He approached while also grabbing onto a crayon.

“Daddy. Mammy. And me!” She said while beaming. Nicky couldn’t make out her drawings. They were just… three pink blobs but apparently, those blobs were her family. He chuckled to himself.

“You’re such a good drawer! Want me to draw something for you?”

***

“Hey, lunch is ready.” Shane poked his head in the doorway of his daughter’s room and saw the two intimately fiddling around with crayons while laughing. He couldn’t hold back a smile at this sight. Nicky looked up at Shane with a grin on his face and pushed himself to his feet.

“Your daughter’s amazing, you know that? I’m never good with babies but with her, it just clicks. I’m surprised actually.” He said proudly.

“Wow, she doesn’t open up that easily. She’s really shy.” Shane smiled and led Nicky to the kitchen table with Nicole’s hand in his. Shane sat Nicole down on the seat at the head of the table and sat down himself. Nicky sat on the other side of Shane, directly facing him. “It’s not that great but… it’s still edible. Sorry. I’m not that great of a cook.” He awkwardly scratched the back of his head.

“No, it looks great. Thanks. I love spaghetti.” Nicky politely smiled.

Before Shane could reply, Nicole interrupted. “Daddy, I don’t like this fork!” She pushed the plain plastic fork away with disappointment and pouted. Shane playfully groaned, walked to the kitchen and held up two others. “Do you want the Aladdin one or the Snow White one?”

“Ummm…” Nicky smiled at Nicole who had her hand wrapped around her chin, thinking about this so seriously like her life depended on it. Well, at that age, it probably meant the world. In the end she yelped “Aladdin! You use Snow White, daddy.”

Shane chuckled and brought both of the forks with him, digging into his spaghetti noodles with the pink Snow White utensil. Nicky couldn’t help but laugh at this sight. For some reason, he found it really adorable.

“Hey, don’t laugh. This is what happens when you get a daughter.” Shane complained in embarrassment and then joked: “I have a Cinderella one for you if you want it.”

“I’ll stick to my _adult_ one, thanks.” Nicky teased and they began eating. “Wow, this is delicious.”

“You’re just saying that.” Shane shook his head and wiped Nicole’s mouth.

“No, seriously. You’re great.” Nicky smiled and gobbled up another mouthful.

He stretched out his legs underneath the table and slid his foot up Shane’s leg, making him flinch. Normally, Nicky would never flirt with or go for his customers, especially if they were married but… Shane had a different quality about him that Nicky wanted and it wasn’t just a sexual hankering. This was a really rare scenario.

The brunette almost spat out his noodles but managed to act calm. He bit down on his lips and looked up at Nicky who cheekily winked at him, continuing to steadily rub his foot against Shane’s pants, going up higher every time. Shane secretly observed Nicole out from the corner of his eyes but she was totally oblivious to anything as she was still obsessing over tracing Aladdin’s grin with her eyes. He let a little restrained smile escape from his lips and lifted his other leg up, doing the same to Nicky’s stretched out one. Both of them exchanged secret eye contacts, both hearts palpitating at the sly rubs underneath the table.

“Daddy, guess what!” Nicole suddenly yelled. Shane immediately lowered his leg at this and felt Nicky do the same.

“What?” He smiled and acted like nothing had just happened.

“I drew a picture and Nicky said that it’s really good! Can I show you?” The child beamed. Shane did also.

“Of course you can. Go get it.”

Nicole ran into her room but before Nicky and Shane could talk or do anything, she came dashing back. _Damn, kids are fast,_ Nicky thought. She proudly held up her picture of the three pink blobs that were labelled ‘Daddy’, ‘Mammy’ and ‘Me’.

“Wow, this is fantastic! You’re so talented, baby!” Shane beamed at the picture, staring at it. Sure, Shane was beaming but Nicky could definitely notice a flash of sorrow in those eyes. He kissed his daughter on the forehead. “Should we put it on the fridge? Would you like that?”

“Yeah!” She hopped on the spot and Shane walked up to the fridge, putting a magnet upon each corner. He stood there wordlessly and stared at it, just running his hands through the piece of paper. Then Nicky heard a sniffle and saw his other hand approach his face. He walked up to the man with a heavy heart and supportively placed his hands on Shane’s shoulder, knowing the exact reason behind those tears.

“Hey, you okay?” Nicky swiftly wiped the drops of tears away from Shane’s cheeks.

“Yeah, I’m… I’m fine. Sorry.” Shane replied and lowered his head in remorse.

“Why are you crying, daddy?” Nicole reached up and slid her hand into Shane’s large ones. He bit into his lips and crouched down, raking Nicole’s golden hair with his shaky fingers.

“Because the drawing is so beautiful, sweetie.” He forced a smile and gently kissed her forehead. “Now, let’s finish eating, okay?”

The three sat back at the table and ate in silence. Shane’s head was downcast the entire time but Nicky definitely saw those lips tremble, like they were trying to silence sobs.

***

After lunch, Shane tucked in Nicole for a nap and returned to the living room where Nicky was.

“You feeling alright?” Nicky cautiously asked.

Shane nodded. “I just… I feel so guilty. I’m married… I’m fucking _married._ I have a kid. What the hell did I just do?” He tilted his head back to hold his tears in. “I’m sorry. You… you should go.”

“I understand.” Nicky nodded and stood up.

“Oh wait…” Shane looked around for his wallet and when he found it, he pulled out a couple of notes. “For the… thing.”

“No, it’s alright. On me. Don’t worry about it.” Nicky rejected. He has never rejected to be paid before but this time... he didn’t care for the money. He cared about the distressed man more, wanting to help in some way.

“No, you did your job. It’s wrong for me to not pay.” He insisted.

“No, really.” Nicky took the money and shoved it down Shane’s pocket. “Keep it. Buy Nicole something pretty. She’s a good kid. Maybe a Rapunzel fork this time.” He sweetly joked and headed for the door. Before turning the knob, Nicky turned around and wrapped his fingers around Shane’s shoulders compassionately. _Damn, why am I being so nice to this guy?_ Nicky thought.

“Don’t feel too guilty, alright? Just… try not to think about it.”

Shane nodded but averted his eyes. “Thanks.”


	2. Two

Shane got out of work early to pick Nicole up from day care. Gillian couldn’t pick her up because she was too sick. He gave her a warm hug as she ran out the door.

“Did you have fun?” He fixed the pin that was loose in Nicole’s hair. She nodded and smiled, then looked around.

“Daddy, where’s Nicky?” She asked innocently.

“N-Nicky?” Shane flinched for a second at the sudden mention but managed to remain nonchalant. Nicole had been talking about the man a lot lately. Of course, to her, Nicky was just the new, entertaining guy from daddy’s workplace. “You really enjoyed last time, aye?”

“Yeah! He’s so fun.”

Shane scratched the back of his head. “Sorry honey, he uh… he’s busy right now.” Nicole pouted and her eyes immediately got teary. _How do kids do that so easily?,_ Shane thought. Those tears held so much power to Shane, making his mind and heart weaken.

“But I want to play with him!” Nicole screeched while stomping her feet, attracting attention from the other parents. Shane shyly looked around and quickly attempted to silence his child. He held her hands and wiped those thick tears away.

“Shhh. Nicole, come on.” But it didn’t work. Shane sighed in defeat. Besides, parents can never win over their child, right? “Want me to call him?”

Nicole’s tears stopped falling as she beamed instantly at that, hopping on the spot. “Yes! Let’s play in the park together. They have new swings!”

Shane couldn’t help but smile at that and stood up to call Nicky. He took a deep, anxious breath and scrolled through his call log, trying to remember what the escort’s number looked like. When he spotted it, he took another deep breath and contemplated whether this was the right thing to do. He slightly turned his head and saw Nicole with her face brighter than ever, anticipating her father to call the fun man. He couldn’t resist that face. After a couple of rings, the blonde answered

“Hello?”

“Hi, I’m not sure if you remember but uh… this is Shane? The… the one with the daughter.” Shane blurted out anything that came to his mind. He surely couldn’t say ‘you fucked me against the wall’ in front of his kid. “I made you spaghetti?”

“Oh! Shane. Yeah. I remember. Want another fuck?”

“Oh no, no this um…” Shane hesitated for a while. “I know this might sound a little… weird and I’m sorry but Nicole… _she_ wants to see you. She said that she wants to play with you again. Sorry. This is really weird.” He wanted to kick himself. This was so embarrassing. Even to him, this sounded ridiculous. They only met once and even then it was a prostitute-customer situation. _What am I even doing?_

“Wow, Nicole?” Nicky replied. “So… _you_ don’t want to see me?”

“What? Uh…” Shane didn’t know what to say but he was pretty sure that both of them knew the answer to that question. “I… I do but… this has to be an innocent meeting. My daughter’s here so…”

Shane heard Nicky chuckle. It was really sweet. “Tell me where to meet you. We’ll play. Innocently, I mean. I promise. I won’t grope you.” He heard that chuckle again. God, it was beautiful. Shane also chuckled.

“Do you know the park right next to Sunlight Day Care?”

“Yeah. I’ll see you there in a few.”

“Okay, great. Bye.”

Shane hung up and tried to calm his palpitating heart. “He’s coming, honey.”

“Yay!” Nicole fisted the air with her adorable little hand and ran to the park.

“Hey, wait!” Shane yelled at the running child but she didn’t listen. He chuckled to himself, hurriedly picked up his shoulder bag and ran after her. When they reached the park, Nicole sat down on the floor, picking at flowers and observing them. Shane sat down next to her, helping her pick out the biggest and brightest ones. But instinctively, he looked around the park every once in a while, in case Nicky showed up.

***

After hanging up the phone, Nicky rushed and changed into a neat, casual outfit. He spiked up his hair with gel and walked over to the park. He looked around the area and found the two sitting down on the grass tightly side by side, entertained by a bunch of flowers.

Nicky smiled to himself and hid behind a tree, observing them. He loved seeing that smiling face of Shane’s again. In all honesty, he had a couple of dreams which included that smile and woke up with a tall bump underneath his blankets. Shane was a very memorable customer. He felt like a creepy stalker but he didn’t care. The scene was so sweet and heart-warming.

After a little while, he huffed out a nervous ball of air and walked up to the two with his hands hidden in his pockets.

“Hey.”

Shane looked up and beamed but Nicole was the first to shoot up and hug the blonde. “Nicky!”

“Hi, Nicole.” Nicky crouched down and pecked her forehead.

Shane awkwardly walked up to the older lad and smiled. “Hey, thanks for doing this. I’m so sorry. This is really weird.”

“Stop saying that. It’s no problem at all. It’ll be fun.” Nicky shrugged. “Normally, I would never do this sort of stuff but it’s _you_ so…” Nicky cheekily winked and Shane blushed. The blonde saved Shane’s embarrassment and turned his attention to Nicole who was clinging onto his hand. “What do you want to do?”

“Swings!” She pointed and the two ran towards them. Shane took his time, just pleasantly watching Nicky push Nicole on the swings but soon, his gaze travelled to those skinny but strong arms. He quickly shook his head to get a hold of himself and sat in the other swing beside his daughter, watching her laughing as she soared towards the sky.

“Hey, I know she’s cute and all but a little help here? My arms are about to fall off.” Nicky chuckled and light heartedly complained.

“Oh, sorry.” Shane sneaked a laugh and took over Nicky’s place, pushing Nicole to go even higher. After a while, Shane felt his arm muscles strain as well and stopped the swing to massage it. “Nicole, you want something to eat?”

She nodded. _Thank God._ The three of them sat down on the grass and Shane pulled out a container with cut up sandwiches.

“You can have some too. I think we have enough.” Shane handed Nicky two pieces after feeding some to Nicole. “It’s only ham and cheese. Sorry.”

“No worries. It’s yummy.” Nicky said whilst chewing.

Before Shane could say his thanks, both of them snapped their heads towards Nicole who gasped. She tapped Shane’s arms and leaned in to whisper something. Shane also leaned towards her.

“Daddy, it’s Henry.” She shyly spoke and pointed.

Shane lifted his head to follow Nicole’s finger and saw another small child sitting on the grass with his parents. “Is that the boy you like?” Nicole nodded. Shane couldn’t help but smile at that and handed her a couple of extra sandwiches. “You want to go give it to them? They’ll like it. Go on.”

At that, Nicole shot up and ran to the other mat, casually settling down next to Henry. Shane and Nicky both chuckled and Shane gave a slight nod to the parents.

“She’s already into boys?”

“Yeah. She talks about that Henry all the time. Fuck, I can already see myself walking her down the aisle. I’m going to kill myself if that day comes.” Shane jokily muttered.

Nicky turned his head to look at Shane whose eyes were fixated on Nicole’s smiling face, the love evident in his eyes. “Jeez, man. Dad’s really _do_ get obsessed.” He sniggered and nudged Shane with his elbow.

“Hey, shut up. When you get a daughter, you’ll understand.”

“I guess.” Nicky shrugged then cautiously asked. “Hey so uh… your wife didn’t find out, right?”

Shane took a couple of more seconds to watch his daughter, or to compose his thoughts, then looked at Nicky to shake his head side to side. “Luckily no but… I feel like such an asshole. Well, I _am_ an asshole. I can’t believe I did that. To my wife… to Nicole… I’m so fucked up.” Nicky saw Shane’s eyes slightly beginning to glisten with tears of shame and wrapped his arm around his shoulders.

“Hey, it was only a one-time thing. Don’t beat yourself up because of it.” He tried to console but Shane shook his head again.

“That’s not it, Nicky. It’s…” He let out a heavy sigh. “I want more. I know that this is horribly wrong but I find myself keep thinking about…” Shane stopped in the middle, not wanting to finish it. He couldn’t bring himself to say that final word of that sentence.

“What? About what?” Nicky felt like he knew the answer but didn’t want to speculate about anything.

“Hey, excuse me. I need to go to the bathroom. Just keep an eye on Nicole for me, yeah?” He hastily stood up and jogged to the men’s room. Nicky hesitated for a moment, and then stood up also, trusting Henry’s parents to look after the girl. When he walked into the bathroom, he found Shane leaning and clinging onto the sink, his head lowered and eyes tightly shut.

“You alright?”

Shane darted his head towards the voice and licked his lips nervously. “Yeah, I… I’m fine. Sorry.”

Nicky slowly approached the brunette and looked around to make sure that the place was empty. “Finish that sentence for me.” He gently wrapped his arms around Shane’s lean waist, pulling him closer without any sense of threat.

“Wh... what sentence?” Shane averted his eyes as his heart was pounding crazily.

“You keep thinking about…” Nicky closed the gap in between them, softly dampening the brunette’s lower lips before pulling back an inch. “About what?”

Shane lost himself in those mesmerising blue eyes and whispered the answer.

“You.”

This time, Shane initiated the kiss and when he felt Nicky slightly part his lips, he dove in straightaway with his desperate tongue, exploring the flavour of Nicky’s minty mouth. Their tongues entwined passionately but Shane was quick to break off the kiss with a hand gently placed on Nicky’s chest. They were both panting for breath.

“No, this… we shouldn’t.”

“But you want more. You said so yourself.” Nicky approached again but Shane pulled back. “Come on. You keep thinking about me, right? I keep thinking about you too. You weren’t like my other clients. You were special.”

“Yeah, but I’m married, Nicky. _Married._ ” Shane sounded like he wanted to emphasise it to remind himself rather than to remind Nicky.

“I know that.” Nicky clasped onto Shane’s hands. “Look, we already started this. I mean, if you’re going to do something wrong, do it right. I really like you, okay? We can hide this so well. Trust me.”

Shane timidly looked up again, being met with Nicky staring into his own eyes. He could see the sincerity in Nicky’s twinkling eyes and was pretty sure his eyes reflected that same emotion. He wanted this to happen more than anyone. “I… I don’t know.”

“Just think about it.” Nicky swiftly traced Shane’s lips with his tongue and caressed his cheek. “Promise me that you’ll think about it. I know you want this as much as I do.”

Shane nodded. “I’ll… I’ll call you. We should go for now. Nicole’s alone.”

***

“Hey, Gill, is your cold better?” Shane put Nicole down as he walked through the door and found Gillian wrapped in a blanket sitting down on the couch.

“Yeah, better than this morning. Sorry I couldn’t pick her up.” Her eyes drooped.

“Nah, don’t worry about it. We had fun in the park after so,” Shane smiled and looked at his daughter, “it was fun, wasn’t it?”

“Mhmm!” Nicole ran to sit down on the couch next to her mother and Shane did also. “I played with Nicky again!”

“Wow, Nicky came too? You must’ve been happy.” She grinned at Nicole who nodded and then turned to Shane. “You know she talks about him a lot lately?”

“Oh… r-really?” Shane shifted in his seat uncomfortably.

“Yeah, it’s nice to hear a name other than Henry come out from her mouth.” Gillian giggled.

Shane swallowed hard and forced a chuckle. Luckily, Gillian didn’t notice this and laughed along with Nicole at the cartoon on the TV screen. Listening to these laughs, Shane felt guiltier than ever but his mind kept tracking back to the kiss that he shared with Nicky in the men’s room. He could still sense the minty breath in his mouth and he just loved it. He licked his lips as an attempt to capture Nicky’s taste even more. Before his wife could notice something was off, Shane quickly excused himself to the bathroom and sat down on the toilet lid, firmly hanging onto his phone.

He typed Nicky’s number into a new text conversation and opened up the keyboard. He took a deep breath while contemplating about what his response to Nicky’s offer should be. He licked his lips again to catch every scent that rubbed off as his hands felt up his waist where Nicky’s tender touches still lingered. Then he started typing. He knew that this was immoral but…

**Let’s do it. I want this to happen.**


	3. Three

A couple of hours after returning from the park, Nicky was lazily lying on his bed when he heard a ‘ding’ sound from his phone. It read:

**Let’s do it. I want this to happen.**

He instantly jumped up and fisted the air in uncontrollable glee. Lucky that no one was watching him. Nicky has never wanted a relationship this bad before and never really cared for one but this time, he was going to make it work… trying to neglect the fact that Shane’s a married man, of course. He quickly texted back in a playful manner.

**Good choice. I’m fucking amazing. Youll see ;) Can I drop by ur office tomorrow? Wanna see u**

A reply came in only a few seconds.

**Sure. Come before 5pm and you should be fine. See you then! Have a good night.**

Nicky didn’t even bother to hold back his smile.

**Great. See u tmrw. Sweet dreams!**

He lay back in his bed and looked up at the ceiling, imagining Shane’s beaming face and took a deep breath to calm his beating heart.

***

“Hi, I’m looking for Shane Filan please?”

“Do you have an appointment with him?” The man at the front desk asked with a polite yet creepy smile.

“Uh no but he should know that I’m coming. I’m his friend. Nicky Byrne.”

“Just one moment please.” The man pressed a button on his phone. “Sir, there’s a Mr Nicky Byrne here to see you.”

“Oh sure, send him in.” Nicky smiled at Shane’s voice.

The man looked up again and pointed. “Just through that door there.”

“Thank you.” He followed the finger and found a wooden plaque on a closed door with the inscription _‘Marketing Director’_ below the bigger writing of _‘Shane Filan’_. When he opened the door, he found Shane sitting behind his desk with a pen in his mouth. He lightly smirked at that before closing the door. “Marketing Director, huh? That’s pretty high up, big boss man. Impressive.” Shane looked up and smiled. “Aren’t you too young for a job like this?”

“I got lucky. Besides, it’s just a small juice company. Nothing big.” Shane humbly shrugged and slowly approached the blonde. “So…”

“So.” Nicky caressed Shane’s cheek and smiled. “This is really happening, huh?”

Shane also curved his lips. “Yeah, I… I guess it is.”

“I know you’re anxious about your wife finding out but if we be careful, we’ll be alright. I don’t want to ruin your marriage and split you up or anything. I just… I want to be with you.” Nicky softly spoke. “If that makes sense.”

“It does make sense. I can’t leave my family obviously but I really want to be with you too.” Shane blushed a little. “We can make this work, right?”

“Of course we can. This is gonna be great.” Nicky stroked those pink cheeks and gently matched his lips against Shane’s. Shane could smell the minty breath again and lost himself at that, welcoming the moist tongue by opening his mouth. Nicky reached back and squeezed Shane’s ass while plunging his tongue down the younger boy’s throat. The brunette tilted his head back at this action, fighting for breath and Nicky used this chance to nibble on that tempting neck.

“Ohhh that feels good…” Shane closed his eyes to take in the feeling better.

“Yeah?” He mumbled before digging in again. He was about to undo Shane’s belt but was interrupted at a knock on the door. The two immediately separated and Shane hastily dashed to his seat, ordering Nicky to sit on the couch.

“Come in.”

“The two coffees, sir.” A young man entered with the two drinks in his hands; the same man that Nicky met earlier.

“Oh thanks, Jacob.” Shane placed them on the coffee table in front of the couch and closed the door again. “Here. I asked him to get these when he let you in.”

“Wow, you have a personal assistant? I thought he was a receptionist or something.” Nicky held onto one and sipped.

Shane just simply smiled and sat next to Nicky.

“Hey, so uh… before we do anything, I think there’s something we should talk about first.” Nicky put the cup down on the table and turned his body to face the brunette.

“Sure. What?”

“About my job.” Shane nodded in realisation. “I’ve had issues in relationships because of that in the past so… You okay with it?”

“Well… honestly, it might take some time to get used to but…” Shane sweetly smiled. “It’s strictly professional right? Like, no feelings attached at _all_. It’s just a job?”

“Oh absolutely. Strictly professional. Just a job.” Nicky echoed confidently and Shane nodded once more. Nicky took that as a good sign.

“Okay. If that’s the case, I’ll probably get used to it soon.”

“Of course. Take your time to do that. I understand.”

Both of them smiled at each other and a silence followed. Not an awkward one but a comfortable one.

“Hey, you know what we didn’t finish?” Nicky was the first to break that silence.

“What?” Shane raised an eyebrow.

Nicky cheekily smiled and leaned forward, nibbling on Shane’s neck while trying to undo the belt again. He heard Shane giggle and rub his back which really warmed his heart. When it was loosened, Nicky shoved his hand inside and Shane reacted with a loud, surprised gasp.

“Careful. Jacob’s right outside my door.” Shane whispered but subconsciously, he was already thrusting his hips into Nicky’s soft hands.

“Well, he’ll just have to pretend that he can’t hear anything and keep his mouth shut.” Nicky smirked and tightened his grip, making Shane whimper out loud. Nevertheless, he smiled and continued to roll around in Nicky’s hands while running his own through the blonde’s hair.

“God, you’re cheeky.” Shane grinned. “I like it.”

***

“Shane, do you think you can take a couple of days off work?” Gillian asked.

“Uh not sure.” Shane scratched his head. “Why?”

“I was thinking about taking Nicole and staying at my parent’s for like two nights.”

“Oh that sounds great.” Shane really did think that but soon, another scenario filled his mind. “But I don’t think I can. Work’s pretty busy at the moment. Sorry. You two can go. Blow off some steam. I’ll be alright.”

“Are you sure?” Gillian knitted her eyes and Shane smiled reassuringly.

“Of course. I can take care of myself.”

*******

“Hi Jacob.” Nicky smiled while casually walking past his desk. Jacob familiarly waved back. He has seen Nicky too many times by now; he knew that he didn’t have to stop the blonde. Nicky stepped into Shane’s office and was met with a smiling, welcoming face.

“Hey, babe.”

Nicky wrapped his arms around Shane’s waist and gently dampened his lower lips before locking their eyes together. “Jacob didn’t even bother to stop me. Did you know that?”

“I told him to just let you in without telling me. Nicer surprises that way.” Shane beamed and cupped Nicky’s cheeks. “Guess what? I have some news for you.” He moved his hand to grab Nicky’s and pulled him to the couch.

“Bad news or good news?” Nicky raised an eyebrow.

Shane just simply smiled. “Gill’s taking Nicole to her parents’ place tomorrow for three days so if you want, you can stay over.”

Nicky’s jaw dropped and his eyes sparkled with pure joy. “Are you serious?”

At that reaction, Shane smiled even more and nodded. “We can have two whole nights to ourselves.”

“Holy shit, Shay.” Nicky leaped forward and invigoratingly nudged his boyfriend’s lips with his own. “It’s going to be fucking amazing.”

***

Shane grabbed his shoulder bag and climbed out of his car after a long day at work. He quickly stretched and shut the car door.

“Finally.” Nicky called out and walked towards the brunette. Shane turned around at that pleasant voice and his eyes widened. Before he could say anything, Nicky held out a single rose and a bottle of wine with a shy smile spread across his face. Shane couldn’t help but beam at this.

“Nicky, what-“

“This may be the only couple of days where we can actually behave like a _normal_ couple. I want to do it right.” The blonde sweetly smiled and Shane took the rose into his hands with a fluttering heart; feeling touched but slightly guilty at the same time.

“Aw, honey.” Shane quickly looked around to make sure that there was no one around and brushed Nicky’s lips with his own before pulling back. “I love you.” He whispered.

“Love you more.” Nicky grinned. “Now let’s go inside. It’s bloody cold.”

“Oh sorry.” Shane hurriedly led Nicky indoors and rubbed his hands with his own to heat them up. “You should’ve called me or something. How long have you been waiting for me? Your hands are freezing.”

“Not that long. I’m alright.” Nicky removed his hands and used them to cling onto Shane’s waist. “I say this every time but you look really sexy in a suit.”

Shane giggled. “Oh we’re starting this already, are we? So dirty.”

“What? I just complimented how you look. Nothing sexual about that. _You’re_ the dirty one.” Nicky playfully chuckled.

“Well, how about we have dinner first and then we can start getting naked? I’m hungry.”

“See? I told you that you’re the dirty one.” Nicky said. “But it sounds like a good plan. Go change and take a _long_ shower. I have a plan too.”

“Really?” Shane couldn’t hide his anticipation.

“Yeah, so go relax and when you get out, you’ll be in for a treat.” Nicky playfully slapped Shane’s butt cheeks, making the brunette smile.

“I’m loving this already.” He gently pecked Nicky’s cheek before heading to the shower with spare clothing. When Shane was well out of sight, Nicky hurriedly opened his backpack and spread out the ingredients that he bought before coming over.

He didn’t know shit about cooking but that’s what the internet is for, right?

He rushed himself to try and get everything ready and cook at the same time. As soon as he finished, he quickly poured the meal onto a nice plate and set up the table neatly but before he could clean up the mess that he created, Shane walked out with wet hair. Nicky hummed at that sight. Fuck, it was sexy.

“Hey, what’s all this?” Shane smiled at Nicky who was sitting at the dinner table.

“Spaghetti. Like the one you made me when we first met. Just a little attempt to replicate that and celebrate.” Nicky shyly scratched his head and walked up to the brunette, taking the towel from Shane’s shoulders and tousling the drippy hair.

Shane shut his eyes at the droplets and sneaked a smile at Nicky’s gentle touch. When he felt the towel leave his head, he opened his eyes again and shifted his gaze to the arranged table. “I can’t believe this. This is…” Shane sighed in contentment and refocused on Nicky’s serene eyes. “You’re incredible.”

Nicky grinned, then leaned forward for a short but tender kiss and raked Shane’s damp locks. “Probably not as good as what you made me but I tried.”

“It’ll be great. Thank you so much, babe.” They sat opposite each other and clanged their wine glasses together before taking a sip. Then Shane, with anticipation, began to dig in his dish. Shane mumbled with his mouth full and spaghetti sauce on his lips. “Oh my god. This is bloody delicious.”

Nicky felt his heart rate even out with the sense of gladness. “Thank God.”

In the midst of chewing, Shane looked over Nicky’s shoulders and saw the kitchen countertop. “And is that the evidence of your triumph?” He chuckled and teased. Shane found this even more cute and endearing.

“Huh?” Nicky turned back and found the countertop filled with pieces of packages, rubbish, utensils, droplets of sauce… just everything that he used. He bashfully bit into his lips. “Oops? Sorry.”

“You better help me clean it.” Shane playfully bumped Nicky’s leg under the table with his foot.

Nicky grinned. “You know what that reminds me of?” He straightened his leg and slid it up Shane’s, winking to hint.

“Oh God. How can I forget?” Shane giggled in realisation and did the same. “Your first attempt in flirting with me.”

“Hey, you’re the one that started it! Who asks a rent boy to stay for dinner?”

“Well, what kind of a rent boy stays just because they were asked?”

Both of them fell into a chain of chuckles then a comfortable and silent pause as they lowered their legs.

“This is nice.” Nicky crooned.

Shane displayed a smile that was half-adoration and half-guilt again. “I’m sorry I can’t do… normal stuff with you. I want to go to the movies, a nice dinner at a nice restaurant, a walk in the park... I want to do everything with you but...” Shane lowered his head.

“Oh Shay.” Nicky sighed and stood up to make his way to the other side of the table. He affectionately draped his arms around Shane and petted the back of his head. “I don’t need all of that. We both knew what we were doing from the beginning. There’s no need to feel sorry over that, okay? I’m happy with where we are and what we are. At least I have you. That’s all I need. Honest.”

When Nicky loosened his arms a little, Shane used that chance to rapidly capture his lips, taking the lead when Nicky’s lips parted and aggressively invaded the inside with his tongue. Nicky swirled along, both tongues vigorously fighting for power. Then the need for air hit them but they wasted no time. Nicky initiated, pulled down Shane’s jeans and the younger boy soon did the same before peeling their shirts off.

Shane grasped onto Nicky’s soft cock and started to stroke it in a quick manner, making the blonde whimper. “You like that?” He asked with a lopsided smile across his face.

“Fucking love it, Shay. Make me hard.” Nicky managed to huff a reply. When Shane fulfilled Nicky’s command, he retracted his hand and rolled a condom onto the standing length, his eyes twinkling with uncontainable eagerness. The two reengaged in the violent kiss and slowly shuffled around to find a good place. When Shane’s back made a little thud noise against the cold wall, Nicky smirked. “Here?”

Shane nodded, biting his lips hard. Soon, his legs were wrapped around Nicky’s waist and his back was up against the stiff wall. Nicky nipped at the younger boy’s shoulders, and then trailed up to his neck. “You ready?” He whispered. Shane moaned at the breath on his neck, hot and sweet with a hint of wine.

“Yes.”

Nicky tightened his hold on Shane’s thighs to support his weight and plunged up in one, smooth motion, entering the brunette without prep. This abrupt expanse made Shane cry out loud and bang the back of his head against the wall but he didn’t care. He was busy taking in the feeling of Nicky’s throbbing member.

“You alright?” Nicky watched Shane’s facial expression which mirrored the pain that he was feeling but nevertheless, Shane nodded.

“I’m fine. Fuck me, Nico.” Shane wheezed. The blonde started with gentle pushes in worry, allowing Shane to adjust to it first then he heard Shane yell “harder!”

At that, he slightly smirked and submitted, thrusting up quick and roughly. Shane let out moans following every in-and-out, ignoring the minor itches from the constant rubbing amongst his back and the wall. He continued to stroke his rock hard cock, adding to the blast of pleasure. These moans aroused Nicky even more, motivating him to pound harder with low grunts of exertion.

“Fuck. Nicky. Need. Come.” Shane desperately puffed in between the brutal thrusts and Nicky nodded, awaiting the material to spill. After a couple more, Shane scrunched his face as he could feel it approaching and shortly, with a hoarse shriek, Shane squirted his seed onto Nicky’s stomach. Nicky, feeling stirred by Shane’s orgasm face and the warm juice on his body, also shot his load into the condom, making Shane shudder with pleasure when he felt the rapid rush of warmth inside him.

Nicky pulled out, struggling for breath, and chuckled when he could see that Shane was doing the same thing. After the careful disposal of the condom, the two collapsed onto the couch, tightly side by side. “That was fucking unbelievable.” Shane purred.

“That was… that was _beyond_ unbelievable.” Nicky replied with a beam and kissed the top of Shane’s head.

Shane looked up and locked his eyes with those blue orbs, his own eyes still sparkling with the same desire and love. “ _You’re_ beyond unbelievable.”

“I know.” Nicky joked and they both chuckled.

“I’m really glad you’re here right now. Gonna miss you so much after the remaining two days.”

Nicky sensed the sadness in Shane’s tone and tried to lighten the mood. “You’ll still see me. I’m not going anywhere. Never leaving you.”

“I know but… it’s not the same.” The brunette’s eyes drooped which scratched Nicky’s heart a little. Nicky knew that he shared these emotions but also knew that he was the only one who could make Shane feel better about this situation.

“As long as you’re with me and I’m with you, it’s all going to be alright. Believe me, Shay.”

“I guess.” Shane sighed and slightly curved his lips. “Love you so much, you know that?”

“Love you more.”


	4. Four

**Hey I was blowing an ugly guy in ur street so im like not even 2 minutes from ur house haha think u can come out?**

At Nicky’s text, Shane twisted his body slightly to hide his phone screen from Gillian and quickly texted back.

**I’ll try. There should be a little park around 5 mins down the road from my house so wait for me there!**

“Who is it, honey?” Gillian asked while doodling with Nicole.

“Oh um” Shane castigated himself internally. Every time he lied to his wife and child, he just wanted to punch himself. He felt like such an asshole and always told himself that this was wrong but… no amount of remorse was enough to stop his feelings for Nicky. Nevertheless, the guilt was always in the back of his mind. “Just a mate from work. He says he wants to go for a drink. He’s in the neighbourhood so… would you mind?”

“No, go ahead.” She beautifully smiled. It shamed Shane even more. “Just don’t be home _too_ late or _too_ drunk.”

Shane nodded and put on a jacket, quickly kissed his wife and headed outside. He rushed and jogged to the park to find Nicky who was sitting on a bench, kicking his feet around. Shane slightly smiled to himself and sat down next to his boyfriend.

“Hey, you made it!” Nicky beamed and gently kissed Shane on the lips.

“Careful.” Shane quickly looked around to see if anyone was around but the limited number of lamp posts narrowed his vision. “Damn, I can’t see anything.”

“Don’t worry. No one will be out there.” Nicky rested his arm around Shane’s shoulder but Shane didn’t give a reaction at all. He seemed like he was staring out into space. After carefully observing Shane’s face, he decided to ask. “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah. Of course, it’s just…” Shane roughly scrubbed his face with his hands. “Don’t worry. I’m fine.”

“Hey, come on. You can talk to me.” Nicky encouraged.

Shane looked up to match those smiling eyes but shortly, averted his eyes again. He thought that what he had to say might hurt his boyfriend and he definitely didn’t want to do that. “Seriously. I’m alright.”

“Is it work? Or…” Nicky still asked. He didn’t mean to pry or anything but he was just worried.

Shane let out a deep sigh, contemplating whether he should voice his feelings or not. “Well, uh… it’s just that I feel so bad lying all the time.”

“Ah.” Nicky nodded in realisation and showed a bitter smile. “To Gillian?”

“And Nicole.” Shane dolefully spoke. “Sorry. You probably don’t want to hear this but I just… I can’t help it.”

“I know, honey. I know.” Nicky compassionately hugged the brunette, trying to hide his inevitable disappointment. “It’s normal to be feeling like that.”

“Thanks… I really _do_ love you though. You know that, right?” Shane lifted his head up and smiled. Nicky sensed the sincerity and felt his heart melting at the genuine look in his eyes.

“Of course. You can’t live without me.”

Nicky cheekily winked and after seeing Shane chuckle, he leaned forward to taste Shane’s lips, believing that no one was around. He felt Shane split open and dive in with his tongue which Nicky didn’t protest to. He readily accepted it, going along with the hot and wet swirling with so much vitality.

But this vitality couldn’t last long.

They were interrupted by the sound of high heels approaching and instinctively, they separated. Shane crossed his legs, trying to act casual, just hoping and praying that the woman walking past wouldn’t know him.

“Shane?” A female voice spoke and Shane’s heart sank. He quickly turned his head and under the lamppost, he could see a familiar woman approaching.

“Oh, Lydia! Hey, how’ve you been?” He forced himself to put on a smile and walk up to her, giving her a peck on the cheek.

“I’ve been great. I haven’t seen you in a while.”

“Yeah, sorry. Didn’t have a lot of time to go and pick up Nicole. How’s your new baby?”

He managed to continue the conversation calmly but inside, he was panicking at Lydia who kept on eyeing the bench, where Nicky was sitting, over his shoulder. He couldn’t tell if she saw the whole thing just then or not. Her face didn’t really change and after a little while of the peering, she fixed her gaze on Shane again and smiled.

“Well, I hope to see you again soon. I should head home now.”

“Oh okay. Be careful. It’s late.”

“Thanks. Bye, Shane.”

“Bye.”

After she was well out of sight, Shane swallowed hard and returned to the bench, sinking down next to Nicky as the tension left his body. “Fuck…”

“Who’s that?”

“Gillian’s friend from the day care centre.” He rubbed his face in frustration and looked up at Nicky with eyes filled with apprehension. “She couldn’t have seen it, right? It was… it was too dark.”

“Yeah, of course.” Nicky comforted, trying to calm the panicking boy somehow. “She didn’t see. Don’t worry.”

Honestly, he wasn’t sure himself. Hell, he was _terrified_ but he forced himself to remain calm. He could clearly see Shane’s trepidation in his body language and didn’t want to stir him up even more. “You should head home. Get some rest.”

Shane nodded. “You too. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“Sure.” Nicky gently stroked the back of Shane’s head and kissed his forehead. “Don’t worry about it too much, alright? You’ll be fine.”

He nodded again and half-smiled. “Thanks, Nico.”

***

Gillian picked Nicole up after work from her friend’s house but was stopped by her as they were about to leave.

“Hey Gill, is uh… is everything alright with Shane these days? Nothing new? Nothing… that you want to talk to me about?” Lydia carefully brought up the subject, trying to observe Gillian’s face.

“What do you mean?” Gillian raised an eyebrow in confusion.

“Oh no, you really don’t know. Um… Shane, he uh…” Lydia took a deep breath, finding it difficult and painful to formulate any words.

“Okay, you’re scaring me. What’s going on?”

“I um… I saw him in the park a couple of nights ago and…”

***

“Wait, shhh! It’s my wife.”

Nicky immediately shut his mouth at that and sank into Shane’s office couch, watching Shane answer the phone and intently trying to listen to his side of the conversation.

“Hello? Yeah, I’m just at work. Are you alright? You sound sick or something.” Nicky leaned forward, trying to pick up on what Gillian was saying but couldn’t. “Oh okay. Sure, yeah. That’s fine. Have fun. Bye.” After putting his phone down, he displayed a cheeky grin and crept up to Nicky, settling down beside him.

“What? What’s going on?” Nicky narrowed his eyes with a lopsided smile.

“Gillian’s taking Nicole to a friend’s house for the night and she’s sleeping over too. So… dinner?” Shane saw Nicky’s face change to an even brighter one and chuckled at that, finding it adorable.

“Dinner.” Nicky echoed. “And then… naked?” He heard Shane chuckle again and felt himself melt at that beautiful sound.

“Naked.” Shane also echoed.

***

“Did you see the cute waiter guy with the black hair? I nearly spat out my burger.” Shane giggled as he climbed out of his car, heading towards the door with his lover.

“Holy shit. Yes. I would leave you any minute for him. He was gorgeous. You think he would want an escort?” Nicky joked and playfully nudged Shane, making him giggle louder.

“Fuck off.” Shane light heartedly replied and felt a warm hand clasp over his as soon as he closed the door.

“Today was amazing.” Nicky whispered and in the dark, he pushed Shane up against the door, gently outlining his bottom lip with his tongue. Not being able to see anything only heightened their feeling of lust, digging deeper into each other’s mouth and sucking the juice out of it. Until…

“…Shane.”

The two immediately halted at that and at the light being flicked on, blinding them. After adjusting to the light, Shane darted his head towards the quiet voice.

He suddenly felt paralysed. His hands were still touching Nicky’s cheeks and he had Nicky’s arms around his neck but he couldn’t think fast enough to remove them. Both men froze… not knowing what to do.

“Gill…”

Shane saw his wife’s eyes brim with tears and at that, he snapped out of the moment, immediately separating himself from the blonde and being too afraid to even speak. Gillian took a deep breath.

“So Lydia was right…” She hopelessly uttered.

“What?” Shane carefully took little steps towards her. Nicky just stood there still, eyeing the two of them and barely breathing at the deadly tension.

“Lydia.” She glared with eyes sharp like knives. “You two were in the park the other night. No? She saw you guys fucking kissing there.”

“Listen, babe-“ Shane took bigger steps and tried to reach for Gillian’s hand but she was fast enough to retract it away from him.

“Don’t call me that.” She articulated in a low, cold voice. When Shane’s mouth opened again, she interrupted before he could say anything. “Are you two shagging?”

She took turns at looking from Shane to Nicky, waiting for an answer but none of them spoke. Shane just wordlessly scrubbed his face with his hands then after a long, painful pause; he sighed and nodded, admitting to it.

“God…” She tilted her head back, trying to stop her tears from flowing but they did anyway. This really broke Shane’s heart. “You know, I didn’t believe Lydia at the start? I thought she was being daft... I… I thought you were better than that, Shane. But look at the first thing that you do when I tell you that I’m gone for the night!” She couldn’t control her volume and by this point, she couldn’t care less.

“Babe…” Shane reached out again for her trembling hands but before he could do it, he saw the hand being lifted… then felt a cold slap across his face. At that sharp pain, Shane’s head rotated sideways as he tightly shut his eyes and rubbed his stinging cheek. Letting out a little moan, he opened his eyes again and it was the sight that he saw then which agonised him the most.

“…Nicole.”

The young girl, her hands nervously clinging onto a rabbit plush toy, stared up at her parents, showing an expression that reflected her confusion and shock. None of the adults could say a word after the entrance of the startled child looking at her father… then her mother… then back at her father again.

Shane shifted his gaze uncomfortably back to Gillian and saw her tearing up at this. Before he could say anything, she took off, marching up the stairs and harshly slamming the door shut behind her. Without even looking at Nicole or Nicky, Shane automatically followed, banging on the locked door in desperation.

“Nicole, promise me that you’ll stay right here, okay?” Nicky whispered and carefully followed Shane with concern. But Nicole didn’t listen. She secretly crawled up the stairs to view this puzzling scene.

“Please, Gill. Listen to me. Just open the door.” Shane pleaded while trying to hold back his tears. “Gillian?”

“Go away, Shane!”

The husband let out a heavy sigh of defeat, and dropped his hand along with his head. When he slightly turned it to the side, he caught a glimpse of Nicky standing at the top of the stairs, his lips trembling and eyebrows knitted…

But behind the man, Shane saw his dear daughter, struck with fear, only a couple of steps behind Nicky.

Shane couldn’t hold his tears back at that picture. With the rapid rush of remorse and self-hatred, tears began to pour as he crouched down in front of his daughter, tightly holding onto her little hands.

“It’s okay, Nicole… Don’t be scared.” Shane spoke through a wavering voice while raking her smooth, silky hair with his trembling fingers.

“Why was mammy so angry at you?” She fidgeted with the toy rabbit and didn’t meet eyes with her father. This only shredded Shane’s heart more.

“She… she wasn’t angry, sweetie. She was just… very tired.” Shane lied, trying to keep his voice even at the uncontrollable tears streaming down his cheeks. How could he possibly tell her the truth?

“Then why are _you_ crying?”

Shane was speechless. He draped his arms tightly around her petite body, pulling her closer and stroking the back of her head. He despised himself so much by this point. Tears of guilt perpetually continued to stream down his face and they worsened as he felt Nicole hugging him back.

“I’m so sorry, baby… Daddy’s so sorry… I’m sorry…”

Shane cried and repeated, uselessly hoping that it would rid of his sins somehow if he kept apologising. He tried to silence his sobs by biting down hard but wailing noises still managed to escape his lips.

Nicole remained silent and still, not comprehending what was going on but Shane was grateful that she stood there to return his embrace.

“Shane...” Nicky murmured in a low, careful voice and Shane felt a large hand upon his shoulders. When he looked up, he saw Nicky’s face through his tears and displayed a bitter, crooked smile. He reluctantly let go of his daughter and wiped his own tears before petting the back of her head again.

“You should go sleep, honey. It’s late. Come on.”

Shane led Nicole to her room and sat down on the chair next to her bed, staying by her side until she fell asleep. Luckily, that didn’t take long. When he could tell that she was asleep, he still didn’t want to move. He wordlessly stared at her peacefully breathing in and out. Feeling tears about to drop again, he dumped his head into his hands and rested his elbows on his knees for support.

“Hey.” He heard a quiet voice whisper and Nicky gestured for him to come out when he lifted his head. Shane nodded and took a last look at Nicole, kissing her on the forehead before leaving the room.

“Fuck…” He breathed and collapsed onto the couch, sinking down.

Nicky awkwardly sat down next to him, measuring the atmosphere. “You alright?”

“What do you think?” Shane’s eyes darkened which made Nicky purse his lips and back down.

“Right… sorry.”

Shane sighed and swung his head back, just gazing upon the white ceiling. “What have I done, Nicky…? I fucking ruined my daughter’s life.”

“Hey, come on. You didn’t.” Nicky placed a hand on Shane’s thighs, tenderly squeezing it.

Shane shook his head side to side and lifted it up, glaring at Nicky.

“How can you even say that? Did you not see the look on her face? She saw her dad getting _slapped_ right in front of her. Crying like hell while hugging her. This is going to stick in her memory forever. I’m just… just the worst father in the world.”

Nicky had nothing to say to that. He wanted to tell Shane that it was going to be okay, that Nicole won’t remember this… but he couldn’t be so sure. He silently stretched out and hugged the brunette, sliding his hand up and down the tremoring back. Luckily, Shane returned the embrace and dug his face into Nicky’s shoulders, breathing onto his neck.

They stayed like that for a while. Nicky didn’t dare to move, hoping to console Shane in some way or another... at least, until he stopped shaking. Shane was the first to break the embrace.

“You should head home.”

“No way.” Nicky clasped onto Shane’s hands, completely covering them with his own. “I’m not going anywhere, knowing that you’re like this. I don’t want you to be alone.”

“Well, you can’t stay _here._ What would Gill think if she found you here tomorrow morning? It’s only going to make things worse. I… I can’t handle that. Just go. I’ll be fine. Trust me.” Shane tried to force a smile.

Nicky sighed at that disguise and caressed Shane’s cheeks, staring far into his droopy eyes. “Are you sure?”

Shane nodded.

Nicky kissed Shane on the forehead before reluctantly getting up and stopping in front of the door. “I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?” Shane nodded again and Nicky gently smiled. “Try to get some sleep, Shay… and don’t beat yourself up too much.”

“Thanks.” Shane whispered in a voice that was hardly audible. “Good night.”

“Night.” Then Nicky exited.

Shane sank down even more into the couch, wanting to just disappear in it. Every second, he contemplated about whether he should head back upstairs and attempt talking to her but he knew that she wouldn’t see him right now. The clock was already past midnight but Shane sighed at that.

_This is going to be a long night._


	5. Five

Shane remained with his eyes open, lying on the couch, not even realising that the bright rays of sunlight was shining into his house. He despondently lied down on the couch the whole night, loathing himself for all that he has caused but also thinking of Nicky; wanting to feel his embrace in this difficult time… He loathed himself even more for these thoughts but they were inevitable.

Slow, heavy, steps were being dumped behind him and Shane immediately darted his body up at that sound.

“Gillian.”

She took one cold look at her husband then wordlessly continued to walk down the stairs and into the kitchen, preparing food for Nicole.

“Gill, come on. Talk to me.” Shane got up from the couch and stepped into the kitchen, just a couple of steps behind her. She took a deep breath, slammed the chopping board and fiercely turned around to face Shane.

“You… I thought you loved me.” Gillian murmured and soon, those fiery eyes of hers turned soft with tears.

“I do, honey. I love you.” Shane shuffled forward, grabbing her hands. Luckily, she didn’t hit them away.

“Oh you love me?” Her voice was echoing with mockery but her hands were still in contact with Shane’s. “Okay. So the husband that loves me suddenly turns out to be gay and has an affair with a random guy? What the hell were you thinking, Shane?”

“I…” Shane couldn’t say _‘I love him too’_ to his wife’s face. He just couldn’t. But… he didn’t want to lie again. “I’m sorry.”

“What, you’re not going to explain?” Gillian pulled her hands out of Shane’s, locking them to her sides. “Do you… love him?”

Shane caught Gillian’s eyes for a moment before avoiding the piercing gaze, lowering his head in shame. “I… I don’t know what to tell you. I’m sorry.”

“Stop saying that and just tell me the truth.” She firmly stated, her hands rolling into furious fists.

After a long, tense silence, Shane made up his mind and admittedly nodded. Another silence followed. The man reluctantly raised his head a tad and saw Gillian’s wavering eyes flood with drops of betrayal. Those beautiful eyes that once, only held love and admiration… he guessed he would never see them like that again.

“I… you’re unbelievable.” Gillian muttered and rushed to wipe her tears, not wanting to appear weak. “Just leave, Shane.”

Shane’s heart sank at that as he stared at his wife in disbelief. “What?”

“Leave.” She repeated. “I want you to leave. Pack up your shit and _leave._ ”

“Wait… honey.” Shane’s breathing sped up with desperation. “Please. Please don’t do this. At least for Nicole. I need her… She needs me. She needs _us_.”

“Don’t even start. I… I’m sorry. I can’t work through this.” Tears interrupted her voice again but nevertheless, she continued. “Just go for now and… later, we’ll see what we can do. For now, I can’t look at you so… please.”

Shane was speechless. He simply stared at his wife with a mixture of disappointment, sorrow… but also, understanding. He let out a deep sigh, lowered his head and nodded.

“Now.” Gillian aloofly ended the conversation, turning back around to the kitchen counter. “Don’t call me unless I call you.”

With heavy steps, he lugged his feet up the stairs and into their bedroom. He looked around for a large enough bag and filled it with clothes before heading back downstairs again. He caught a glimpse of his wife occupied in the kitchen and sneaked into Nicole’s room. She was in the same position as when he tucked her in last night, her lean arms tightly wrapped around her rabbit doll and soundly sleeping, knowing nothing wrong.

Shane broke down at this serene image.

He covered his mouth with his hands to squeeze it shut and hush his sobs as he collapsed onto the chair beside her bed, his eyes never leaving her beautiful state. He dumped his entire face into his trembling hands, concealing it while letting his tears flow. He knew that he wasn’t strong enough to stop them completely. So he didn’t bother.

Gillian heard slight weeping noises and when she made her way quietly towards Nicole’s room, she poked her head through the doorway. She found her husband with one hand harshly clutching onto his own hair and the other, blocking his mouth. Those muffled sobs gashed her heart, making her want to forgive him but… she was not at all ready to do that yet. Fury and betrayal was larger than the one moment of sympathy. She merely stepped away, trying to block out the sound that weakened her.

After a long while, Shane scrubbed his face clear of tear stains and took one last look at Nicole, never wanting to leave this room but knew that he had to; at least for now. He dragged his feet out and towards the front door. Gillian wouldn’t look at him. She refused to, feeling that she might break down when she sees her husband’s distraught face.

“Gill, for what it’s worth, I’m… I’m really sorry. So sorry. I don’t know what else I can say. Just… promise me that you’ll call me. Please.” Shane spoke to Gillian’s back and, receiving no response, he despondently plodded outside with the bag.

He hauled it into the trunk of his car and climbed into the driver’s seat, glancing at his house for the last time before driving away. Without even thinking, he drove towards a particular address, knowing that this was a bad move. When he arrived, he dragged his luggage and knocked on the door.

The door swung open.

“Shane?” Nicky raised an eyebrow, scanning the distressed face of the brunette and his bag. “What’s going on?”

Seeing Nicky’s face activated his water works again, overwhelmed by the feeling of calmness and security. “Can I stay here for a while?” He croaked with an uneven voice.

“My god.” Nicky, almost instinctively, pulled the crying boy into his arms, stroking his back. He felt like crying himself. “Of course you can, Shay.”

***

Shane sank down into Nicky’s couch, eyes empty and staring at nothing. Nicky sighed, feeling his heart hurt a little as he slid a cup of tea into Shane’s too-still hands.

“Drink. You’ll feel better.”

“Thanks.” Shane bleated, not looking at Nicky and not even moving the cup to his mouth for a sip but just holding onto it, feeling the heat spread to his hands.

Nicky sat in silence, watching his motionless boyfriend, not knowing what he should say. He simply squeezed Shane’s lower arms, hoping to get a little smile or at least a glance but… nothing. He has never seen the boy this effete before. He wanted to do something, _anything_ , to maybe relieve his lover of this pain for a bit.

“Did you have breakfast?”

Shane shook his head.

“You want some?”

Shane shook his head again and Nicky sighed. “At least drink your tea. Please? For me?”

Shane looked at his cup for a short while, then pulled it up to his mouth, taking a small sip.

“Atta boy.” Nicky smiled, rubbing the hair on the back of Shane’s head. Shane didn’t reject the touch which was a good sign. Nicky shuffled sideways, bringing him closer to Shane and landed a short kiss on his cheek. “If there’s anything I can do for you, just tell me.” He changed his angle, slowly leaning forward to kiss those lips but as soon as they came into contact, Shane retracted, pushing Nicky away with one hand while placing the tea cup down with the other.

“Don’t, Nicky… Please.”

“Oh… okay. Sorry.” Shane could hear the hurt from Nicky’s voice but couldn’t take that into consideration right now. He had too many things going on in his head and felt physically drained; feeling repulsive to do anything.

“Do you have a booking today?” Shane slightly turned his head, finally looking at the blonde.

“Oh um,” Nicky looked up at the clock “Yeah, I need to leave soon, actually.” Nicky felt like shit. He didn’t want to leave Shane alone like this. “I’ll cancel it and stay here with you.”

“No, it’s… it’s alright. You can go.” Shane didn’t know if he meant it or not. A part of him wanted to be alone but a larger part of him knew that he would be in worse of a state without the solacing presence of Nicky. He didn’t want to be thinking that his boyfriend was fucking another guy’s brains out, even if he knew that it was strictly professional. He couldn’t handle that. Usually he could, but… not right now.

So… no, turns out he didn’t mean it.

“You sure? I can easily book him for tomorrow morning or something. He’s a regular so I don’t think he would flip. I can negotiate.” Nicky caressed Shane’s cheeks with a tender touch, smiling when Shane didn’t pull himself away.

“Thanks.” Shane nuzzled in Nicky’s soft hands, feeling a little better.

“You can stay as long as you need to, alright? I’m here for you.”

“I love you.” Shane whispered. Nicky beamed at that. He couldn’t help it. He honestly didn’t expect to hear that from the man, given his situation, but Nicky heard the sincerity and felt his heart skip a beat for sure.

“I love you too, Shane.”

Nicky leaned forward again. A second shot. And… success. Shane didn’t pull away. Nicky felt Shane suck a little on his lips and when he parted them, Shane’s tongue flicked out like a reflex. Nicky lifted his own up too, meeting Shane’s eagerness.

Shane’s tongue suddenly stopped and remained still for a bit before Nicky felt him detach and break away from him. Nicky watched him with worried eyes.

“Hey, you alright?”

“Yeah, I…” Shane’s throat clumped, his eyes glistening. “Shit, sorry.”

“Talk to me.” Nicky encouraged as he held onto Shane’s hands, showing a supportive smile. Shane looked up for a bit, memorising that smile as a drop escaped his eyes.

“I… I’m just the worst person in the world.” He sniffled. “I practically destroyed my marriage, my family, my child’s future but here I am, just fucking kissing my boyfriend. I don’t… I don’t know what to do.” His head dropped; an attempt to conceal his embarrassment.

“Listen,” Nicky squeezed tighter, “you didn’t destroy your marriage or Nicole’s future. You’re looking too far ahead and digging too deep into this. You can still be the greatest dad. And I’m sure you will be. Don’t worry about that. You just… you need to make up your mind.” Nicky took a deep breath, knowing that he was going to kick himself later for what he was about to say next. “If uh, if you feel like we… can’t be together anymore… that you need to choose your family, then… I won’t stop you.”

Shane frowned, the tears filling up his eyes even more. “What?”

“I love you but… I don’t want to be the one breaking up a family. I said that from the beginning, Shane. Nicole… she needs you. And I'm guessing that Gillian does as well. Maybe… maybe you _need_ to go to them.” Nicky’s voice wavered as he felt his throat closing up.

“But… I don’t want to let you go. I can’t, Nick, I just can’t.” Shane desperately latched onto Nicky’s knee, tears streaming down his face and trembling chin.

“Oh believe me, I don’t want to let you go either.”

Nicky lifted Shane’s hands from his leg and held them close to his face, rubbing the back of Shane’s hand against his cheek. He closed his eyes to commit every single hair that brushed his skin to his memory.

“This is the right thing to do, baby. You know it.”

Shane didn’t say anything. He couldn’t deny it. It was right for him to go back to his family, raise his daughter and provide a loving home environment for her. But…

“I don’t know what I’d do without you. I can’t fucking believe this…” He hitched.

“I know… If we met under different circumstances, I would never, ever let you leave me. You would be the love of my life, Shay. Well... you _are_ the love of my life. I wish I could keep you. Get married... build a life together but..." Nicky shook his head, blinking to get a clear vision of Shane's gorgeous face. "I love you... So much that you wouldn’t even understand.”

Nicky dampened Shane’s lips with his own as their tears mixed together on the rim of their blended lips, both men never wanting to separate them. Eventually, they did and rested their foreheads together, gazing intensely into each other’s eyes.

“Promise that you’ll never forget me… that you’ll never forget _us_ and what _we_ were; how amazing this was.” Nicky crooned with an uneven voice through his cries.

“Don’t say that.” Shane shook his head and cried harder at the word ‘was’. “I don’t… I don’t want this to feel like the end. You and me, it’s… it’s not just going to _end._ Not for me. Absolutely not.”

“Ditto. I’ll always remember you, Shane. You’re my special thing.”

“You too. I love you, Nico.”

“I love you…”


	6. Epilogue – 2 years later

“Should we just throw this out?” Gillian held up an old dish rack.

“Yeah, might as well.” Shane replied, packing up the last of the boxes and handing it over to the movers. “Wow, can’t believe we’re moving. We lived here for like five years.” Shane wrapped his arm around his wife and kissed her hair before observing the place that has now emptied.

“Yeah, I know. Good memories. Remember when Nicole took her first steps over there?’ She pointed.

“Oh God, yeah. I cried that day.” He said, lingering his eyes over the place that Gillian pointed to. “Hey, go first. I’m just going to do take a quick look in the rooms to see if we left anything behind.”

“Okay.” She kissed him on the cheek before heading out with Nicole in her arms.

Shane quickly scanned through the rooms and when he arrived downstairs, he sighed. A bittersweet wave hit him. This was more difficult than he thought it would be. This was the place where he began his marriage, where Nicole did her first everything. It was their first house; not an easy thing to let go of. It was filled with congenial memories and a large part of this was, of course…

Nicky.

Shane ran his hands along the cold wall, reminiscing about their first encounter against it. He dolorously smiled to himself. His eyes felt itchy, a tear threatening to drop as he could still recall the minty aromas, the heartwarming sentiments… the mutual love and passion. Just everything of his beloved boyfriend. Well… ex… for two years now. Shit. The blonde popped up in his head every day, whether he wanted him to or not. Shane hated himself for still being like this but he had no choice. It just… happened. Eventually, tears flooded.

He raised his hand to touch the wall again with his shaky hands, desperately hoping to feel some sense of Nicky… just once more...

“I promise I’ll never forget. I’ll always remember you.” He quietly sobbed in the empty house. “You’re my special thing... The love of my life.”


End file.
